Through My Eyes

funny....

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:57:13 GMT

Thanks to The Advertising Slogan Generator:

1) Everything we do is driven by Alyssa
2) It's slightly rippled with a flat Alexis
3) Full of Eastern Dan
4) Making Diedre taste better
5) Look for the Andrew label
6) Make every Jacob count
7) Just what the Lei ordered
8) Dial down the Ty
9) The Missy of Confidence
10) Reach out and touch Sarah
11) Aaahh! Mason!
12) Make someone happy with an Ekim
13) Pride of the Tunick for over a hundred years
14) Is it live, or is it Kris?
15) Why can't everything orange be Laura??
16) I can't believe it's not Kaylee
17) Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a chiya it is!
18) Big chocolate RIa
19) See the face you love light up with Jersey
20) If you like a lot of Dain on your biscuit, join our club
21) I wish I were a Nick weiner
22) Double the pleasure, double the Rachel
23) Ant-the appetizer!
24) Happiness is Brandon-shaped
25) Becky makes everything better

ooooooo

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:24:51 GMT

update on life. . .

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 02:02:16 GMT

Wow, it's definitely been a while since I've put in an entry. Sorry everyone, just been so busy with school and all. But anyways, I'll be taking the ACT in April, and the SAT in June, so that makes me feel somewhat better. My grades are doing ok, they're not perfect, but what's perfect anyhow? At least they're not D's and F's anymore, now it's at least C's and up. I have a nice B+ in Environmental Science and that makes me feel special.
Spring break is next week, as in the week after this one...I hope to go to Ursinus to see all my college friends while visiting Lex, but we'll see based on her schedule. I'm still looking for a job, because we all know I really need the money, for paying for my cellie, my cigs, and well just about everything else that's an essential to my life.
Oyyyy I'm bored. I wish I could have seen Dain today, yes that's right me and him are still going strong! We've had a few bumps to slow us down a bit but we're still together....surprisingly enough...I think anyways. I thought for sure after the 26th, and that next weekend he would've left me for sure. I was wrong. Maybe he really does love me as much as he says, and as much as I love him. That's great for me, I guess. But I still anticipate that one day; that dark dreadful day where we say goodbye...as if it's tomorrow. I don't know if it's ever going to come, and I hope it never does, but I still wonder...and ponder...
Okay, well I should go now, get ready for bed I need my "beauty" rest. Because to some, I'm actually beautiful, not to me though. I'll always be self-pessimistic. It's the way I am so deal with it. Oh well. Goodnight everyone.
Love always,
Aly

poem

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 21:24:28 GMT

10 Things I'm Sorry About

I'm sorry if I've hurt you
Taken my anger out on you
Pushed you away
Or made you feel like shit
I'm sorry for the way I am
For the way I act
And for the way I talk
I'm sorry for being ignorant
Obnoxious, rude and selfish
I'm sorry you feel like you've been played
Like I led you on
And changed in a swift breeze
I'm sorry for making you feel unexistent
Telling you I care
Then not proving it
By showing it
I'm sorry for not telling you
What's really bothering me
Why I did those things
And reasons for this bullshit
I'm sorry for calling you names
For hitting and kicking you
For denying you what you deserve
I'm sorry for not being there
When you needed a friend
To talk to
And to catch your tears
I'm sorry for being dishonest
If you never forgive me
I shall understand
I'm sorry for the way things are
The way they were in the past
And the way they have been lately
Honestly, I'm really fucking sorry
About anything and everything
I can't say I'm sorry enough
To truly mean how I feel
Forgive me or not
At least you know the truth

SURVEY...for guys.....and gurls....

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 20:05:41 GMT

FOR GUYS:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF UR GURLFRIEND. . .?

::Cheated on you?::
::Got pregnant with someone else's baby?::
::Got pregnant with your baby?::
::Wanted to have your baby?::
::Wanted to have an abortion?::
::Wanted to break up with you?::
::Wanted to marry you?::

DO YOU. . .

::Love her?::
::Respect her?::
::Trust her?::
::Worry about her?::
::Care for her?::
::Want the best for her?::
::Want to be with her forever?::

FOR LADIES:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF UR BOYFRIEND. . .

::Cheated on you?:: id be beyond pissed at him
::Got another chik pregnant?:: id be pissed
::Got you pregnant?:: id have the baby
::Didn't want the baby?:: dont believe in abortion
::Wanted you to have his baby?:: id agree
::Wanted to break up with you?:: id be heartbroken
::Wanted to marry you?:: id say yes

DO YOU. . .

::Love him?:: very much
::Respect him?:: definitely
::Trust him?:: yes
::Worry about him?:: ohhhh yea
::Care for him?:: well duh
::Want the best for him?:: yea
::Want to be with him forever?:: i wish

DAAAAAMN!

Fri, 25 Feb 2005 02:05:59 GMT

Vodka

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Seven Deadly Sins

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 15:20:53 GMT

You scored as Wrath.

</td>

Wrath

94%

Lust

88%

Sloth

88%

Envy

63%

Pride

38%

Gluttony

25%

Greed

25%

Seven deadly sins
created with QuizFarm.com

depressed now....

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 01:05:59 GMT

He doesn't love me
If he did
He wouldn't do this
He would talk to me
He would call
He wouldn't lie to me
He would trust me
As I trust him
Maybe I was wrong
Blinded by my own ambition
Maybe I can't see him truly
And what's really going on
Maybe his heart lies somewhere else
In someone else's arms
I don't know
But hearing that, hurt bad
I shouldn't,
But I'm going to ignore him
Not going to talk to him
Going to pretend he isn't there
Isn't a big part of my life
When he really is the center

Addicted To...

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 22:10:30 GMT

You scored as Ecstacy. Love, sex, parties, and DANCING! Just be wary of your mood coming down! www.dancesafe.org

</td>

Ecstacy

94%

Cocaine

81%

Marijuana

75%

Mushrooms

75%

Inhalents

50%

None!

25%

Alcohol

25%

What's your ideal drug?
created with QuizFarm.com

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 23:41:32 GMT

What Natural Disaster are you? Take the quiz!

long-ass SURVEY

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 03:14:35 GMT

[.01.] name: Alyssa
[.03.] last name: **evil laugh**
[.04.] nickname(s): Aly, Lyss, Lyssa, Aly, Cherry, Bitch, etc.
[.05.] gender: Female
[.06.] birthday: 10-05-87
[.07.] height: 5'8"
[.08.] hair color: Dark brown w/ natural red highlights
[.09.] eye color: Caramel
[.010.] do you wear glasses or contacts: umm, supposed to wear glasses but i left them at ryans' house on my b-day and he wont give them back
[11.] do you have braces: no
[.012.] is your hair long or short: long....probly gonna chop it off tho, it comes out on its own so much
[013.] where were you born: Iowa City, Iowa
[.014.] current location: Flourtown, PA
[.015.] zodiac sign: Libra
[.016.] how many languages do you know: 2.5
[.017.] what laungage do you want to learn: gibberish....again
[.018.] bad habits: smoking, negativity,
[.019.] piercing you have: 2 on left ear
[.020.] piercing you want: eyebrow
[.021.] tattoos you have: none
[.023.] today: sunday
[.024.] today's date: january 9
.025.] the time: 8:12pm
[.026.] ready for a bunch more questions: mmm, i guess....
F A M I L Y
[.027.] mother's name: Margaret
[.028.] father's name: Anthony
[.029.] brother's name: none
[.030.] sister's name: Alexis
[.031.] favorite aunt: none
[.032.] favorite uncle: Doug
[.036.] worst relationship: oh fuck i dunno
[.037.] best relative: Jacky
[.038.] do you get along with your parents: sure, you keep telling yourself that...
[.039.] does anyone in your family understand you?: hmm, based on the last question...dont you think its obvious?
[.040.] do you have any pets: yes
[.041.] what are their names: Alley, Dave, and Lucifer
[.042.] what kind of animals are they: 2 cats, one anole-mine!
[.043.] are you still in school: yes
[.044.] did you drop out: No
[.045.] current gpa: fuck, probly somethin low
[.046.] favorite grade: None
[.047.] least favorite grade: All
[.048.] favorite teacher last year: Trainer (NAZ-D)
[.049.] least favorite teacher last year: shit, i dunno
[.050.] favorite subject: music
[.051.] least favorite subject: BIO
[.052.] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: buy, or not eat period
[.053.] play any sports on the school's team: uhhh no
[.054.] do/did you do any extracurricular activities: marching band, indoor color guard
[.055.] are/was you popular: umm, if everyone knowing you by rumors they "hear" and wanna kill/beat you up means being popular, then yes
[.056.] favorite dance: none
[.057.] favorite memory: From school?! ARE YOU NUTS?!
[.058.] favorite memory you want to have: **slipknot-"vermilion pt. 2"**
[.059.] least favorite memory:
[.060.] most humiliating moment:
F A V 0 R I T E S
[.061.] number: 13
[.062.] letter: S
[.063.] shoes: fuck me boots, hooker boots, vans, timberlands
[.064.] saying(s):
[.065.] TV show: Charmed
[.066.] sport: badminton
[.067.] vegetable: black olive
[.068.] fruit: strawberries
[.069.] movie: no fav's
[.070.] magazine: sports illustrated swimsuit edition
[.071.] actor:
[.072.] actress: Sandra Bullock
[.073.] candy: REAL rock candy
[.074.] gum:
[.075.] scent: Axe
[.076.] candy bar:
[.077.] ice cream flavor: mint choc chip
[.078.] color: black
[.079.] season: summer...bikini weather oooooh
[.080.] holiday: Yule
[.081.] band: no fav band...i eclectic sweetheart
[.082.] singer: Axel Rose
[.083.] group: no favs damnit!
[.084.] rapper: need i repeat myself?
[.085.] type of music: ALL
[.086.] thing in your room: my lizard
[.087.] place to be: Away from home
[.090.] junk food:
[.091.] overall food: italian
[.092.] store: hot topic
[.093.] hangout: Anywhere away from home
[.094.] fast food: popeyes
[.095.] restaurant: Friendly's
[.096.] shape: Dodecahedron
[.097.] time of day: The later half of a sunset, beautiful
[.098.] country: Scotland
[.099.] state: California
[.100.] boys name: Jared
[.101.] girls name: Chloe
[.102.] mall: Franklin Mills
[.103.] video game: HALO
[.104.] shampoo: tea tree
[.105.] board game: life
[.106.] computer game: YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!
[.107.] car: MR-2
[.108.] music video: dont have favs damnit!
[.109.] curse word: fuck
[.110.] word: yogurt
[.111.] month: july
[.112.] cartoon character: Bugs bunny
[.113.] scary movie: Resident Evil 2
[.114.] team: phillies
[.115.] possession: ummm
WHATS THE FiRST THiNG Y0U TH0UGHT 0F WHEN Y0U HEAR..
[.116.] eminem: white boy
[.117.] dog: bark
[.118.] hot: hot like fire
[.119.] britney spears: blonde
[.120.] nsync: out of sync
[.121.] real world: controversy
[.122.] orange: orange you glad i didnt say banana?
[.123.] choice: lack of
[.124.] fuck: ...i want....
[.125.] bisexual: me
[.126.] black: sexy
[.127.] icq: blahblahblah
[.128.] insane clown posse: pussy?
[.129.] linkin park: crawling
[.130.] jack: daniels
[.131.] rainbow: brite
[.133.] cucumber: *no comment*
[.134.] shark: beast
[.135.] lifehouse: Hanging By a Moment
[.136.] bat: baseball
[.137.] leather: chains
[.138.] whip: cream
[.139.] america: bush sucks
[.140.] water: desert
[.141.] volcano: lava
[.142.] rock or rap: either or
[.143.] rock or pop: either or
[.144.] rock or r&b: either or
[.145.] rock or metal: either or
[.146.] rap or pop: either or
[.147.] rap or r&b: either or
[.148.] rap or metal: either or
[.149.] pop or r&b: either or
[.150.] pop or metal: either or
[.151.] r&b or metal: either or
[.152.] linkin park or limp bizkit: both
[.153.] tool or korn: both
[.154.] selena or jennifer lopez: both
[.155.] hot or cold: hot
[.156.] winter or summer: summer
[.157.] spring or fall: spring
[.158.] shakira or britney: shakira
[.159.] icp or eminem: both
[.160.] marilyn manson or rob zombie: both
[.161.] kittie or garbage: both
[.162.] mtv or vh1: both
[.163.] buffy or angel: both
[.164.] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: BOTH
[.165.] football or basketball: both
[.166.] summer olympics or winter olympics: both
[.167.] skiing or snowboarding: Snowboarding
[.168.] rollerblading or skateboarding: blading
[.169.] black or white: black
[.170.] orange or red: red
[.171.] yellow or green: green
[.172.] purple or pink: pink
[.173.] slipknot or mudvayne: slipknot
[.174.] hot topic or pac sun: hot topic
[.175.] inside or outside: outside
[.176.] weed or alcohol: alcohol
[.177.] cell phone or pager: cell
[.178.] pen or pencil: pen
[.179.] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: charlies angels
[.180.] scooby doo or dino: dino
[.181.] dragon ball z or pokemon: Dragon Ball Z
[.182.] star wars or star trek: star wars
[.183.] tattoos or piercings: tattoos
[.184.] prep or punk: punk
[.185.] slut or whore: Slut
P R I V A T E L I F E
[.186.] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: yes ma'am
[.187.] do you have a crush: ...hehe wouldnt u like to know...
[.188.] do you love anyone right now: mmmyea
[.189.] have you ever been in love: yesm
[.190.] how many people have you liked: ...lost count...not to be cocky
[.191.] who was your first crush: andrew in little explorers
[.192.] how many hearts have you broken: 2
[.193.] how many people broke your heart: .....
[.194.] best quote to sum up love: ...
[.195.] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: theres a reason they call it a "private" life
[.196.] do you have a picture of him/her: yeah
[.197.] please post it if you do: umm, no
[.198.] do you have a picture of yourself: yes
[.199.] please post it if you do: see 197
[.200.] do you go by looks or personality: personality comes first
[.201.] ever kiss a friend: yeah
[.202.] are you still friends: does he being obsessed with me count?
[.203.] so moving along..do you smoke: yes
[.204.] do you smoke weed: ...dunno havent decided if i still do...used to tho
[.205.] ever trip on acid: no
[.206.] how about a little x: no sir
[.207.] crack, heroin, anything else: no sir
[.208.] beer good or beer bad: dont like beer
[.209.] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: fuck no they taste like shit
[.210.] do you like smirnoff ice: yea--triple black....not to get drunk tho
[.211.] prefer beer or liquor: liquor
[.212.] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: Marlboro Reds....cowboy killers!
[.213.] have you ever drank Hpnotiq: No
[.214.] if yes, when was the last time you got some: n/a
W 0 U L D Y 0 U EVER..
[ .215. ] bungee jump: in a min
[ .216. ] sky dive: on my 21st bday
[ .217. ] swim with dolphins: yes
[ .218. ] scuba dive: yes
[ .219. ] go rock climbing: hell yea
[ .220. ] eat shit for $1,000,000: um no
[ .221. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: no
[ .222. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: not intentionally
[ .223. ] cross-dress: yea, but its not like i dont do that on a normal basis being that im bi
[ .224. ] lie to the police: umm whoops
[ .225. ] run from the police: depends on what i did
[ .226. ] lie to your parents: yea
[ .227. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: if they were hot and were eye-ing me
[ .228. ] be an exotic dancer: as soon as i get the body figure i want
[ .229. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: no
[ .230. ] streak: um...been there done that
Y 0 U R F R I E N D S
[.231.] best friends: what about him/her/they?
[.232.] known longest: Kristen
[.233.] wish you talked to more: the Kristen before that
[.234.] wish you saw more: evets
[.235.] how many friends do you think you have: clearly not enough for my personality
[.236.] who drives you insane after a while: brian....very quickly
[.237.] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: evets
[.238.] ever lose a good friend because you took it to the 'next level': no
[.239.] craziest: baby boy
[.240.] loudest: beckerz
[.241.] shyest: evets
[.242.] best hair: umm...
[.243.] can always make you laugh: evets
[.244.] best eyes: dain
[.243.] best body: fucked if i kno...havent seen every part of everyones body you kno..
[.246.] most athletic: dain
[.247.] sex symbol: the first kristen
[.248.] hot tempered: the first kristen
[.249.] most impatient: me
[.250.] shortest: both kristens
[.251.] tallest: dain
[.252.] talented: what kind of talent?
[.253.] best singer: dain
[.254.] skinniest: ricci
[.255.] nicest: second kristen
[.256.] best personality: ....
[.257.] biggest drug user: first kristen
HAVE Y0U EVER:
[.258.] flashed someone: ah the olden days....too many have seen my tits
[.259.] told a person how you felt bout them: yes
[.260.] been to michigan: No
[.262.] gone to jail or juvi: no jus middle school..same shit different pile
[.263.] skateboarded: not well
[.264.] skinny dipped: hehe
[.265.] stolen anything: yes
[.266.] wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: kick it, no....smack u on the nose with a rolled up newspaper maybe
[.267.] kicked someone's ass: not really
[.268.] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: yea n she scratched me for it...with those polished fingernails/claws
[.269.] broke a beer bottle: yes
[.270.] gotten into a bar, under-aged: No
[.271.] kissed someone of the same sex: ....duh...
[.273.] gone on a road trip: Yes
[.274.] gone on vacation without adult supervision: no...not that lucky
[.275.] been to a concert: not a pro one
[.276.] been to another country: no
[.277.] talked back to an adult: every teacher/administrator/security guard at school
[.278.] got pulled over: ..no license...
[.279.] got in a car accident: no
[.280.] broke a law: yes...more than one
[.281.] given money to a homeless person: yes
[.282.] tried to kill yourself: *looks down shamefully* yes
[.283.] cried to get out of trouble: no
[.284.] kissed a friend's brother or sister: No
[.285.] kissed a brother or sisters friend: yes
[.286.] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways?: *no comment*

SATANISM

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 22:38:07 GMT

" SATANISM represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates! You cannot love everyone; it is ridiculous to think you can. If you love everyone and everything you lose your natural powers of selection and wind up being a pretty poor judge of character and quality. If anything is used too freely it loses its true meaning. Therefore, the Satanist believes you should love strongly and completely those who deserve your love, but never turn the other cheek to your enemy! Love is one of the most intense emotions felt by man; another is hate. Forcing yourself to feel indiscriminate love is very unnatural. If you try to love everyone you only lessen your feelings for those who deserve your love. Repressed hatred can lead to many physical and emotional ailments. By learning to release your hatred towards those who deserve it, you cleanse yourself of these malignant emotions and need not take your pent-up hatred out on your loved ones. There has never been a great 'love' movement in the history of the world that hasn't wound up killing countless numbers of people, we must assume, to prove how much they loved them! Every hypocrite who ever walked the earth has had pockets bulging with love! Every pharisaical religionist claims to love his enemies, even though when wronged he consoles himself by thinking 'God will punish them.' Instead of admitting to themselves that they are capable of hating their foes and treating them in the manner they deserve, they say: 'There, but for the grace of God, go I,' and 'pray' for them. Why should we humiliate and lower ourselves by drawing such inaccurate comparisons? Satanism has been thought of as being synonymous with ruelty and brutality. This is so only because people are afraid to face the truth--and the truth is that human beings are not all benign or all loving. Just because the Satanist admits he is contrary, because he is able to give vent to his hatret through ritualized expression, he is far more capable of love--the deepest kind of love. By honestly recognizing and admitting to both the hate and the love he feels, there is no confusing one emotion with the other. Without being able to experience one of these emotions, you cannot fully experience the other."~ Anton Szandor LaVey

new poem...Sticks 'N Stones

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 02:27:44 GMT

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words are like daggers piercing my heart
I want to stand upon a mountain high
And let my spirit take its flight
For what goes up must come down
The guardian angel's wings spread
Filling the air with light
It shines so brightly over my face
Sending a chill down my spine
Leaving me breathless
I take a deep breath and sigh
And remember what it was like
To hold my head high
Disregarding what is said
Looking to the future
The scars remain and remind
That some wounds never heal
And the past exists
Where hearts were shattered
And blood was shed
One day they'll see
If not understand
The pain they cause
And the impact it makes
Then they'll be victimized
When the sticks and stones break my bones
It nowhere near compares
To the burdens I carry
The anger I possess
And the suffering they've caused me

Yesterday's news...

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 01:12:34 GMT

http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/10545779.htm

See if this sounds familiar to anyone....

PW sucks

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 02:42:10 GMT

I don't know what it is, but there's something that keeps me from getting good grades in school. I mean, it's obvious that I don't have to work very hard to get the good grades, so why don't I? My mom keeps telling me that my sister has to work her ass off to be where she is in school; whereas, with me, I ould easily receive good grades if I just do the work. Now, I really want to go to college on my own terms, and beome a social worker, but based on my transcript so far, I'm thinking that I don't even have a chance in getting into a good college. Based on this, I do try my best in getting all my schoolwork done, but sometimes I lose sight of my ultimate goals and just say FUCK it, and don't care--which is what makes my grades come to a sudden drop. I don't know how to fix things so that this doesn't happen. I mean, it seems to be that I get so caught up in other things around me, that I shut everything else out of my mind and can't focus. I really am tired of this, of feeling this way. The only thing I can think to do about this is cut out all the extra stuff..but even then, how do I do that? I wish I could just take my classes with people who care more about doing their work than talking to their friends and spreading gossip..that's all PW students really do anyways. That seems to be where the problem is for me. It honestly feels like everyone but me at PW is immature and spends so much time worrying about their social life and reputation, that they could are less about those of us who feel different, let alone have feelings at all. I feel like I'm at a higher level than all of them..I don't mean that I'm better or superior to them, but I really think that they're not at the same maturity level as I. I can't seem to keep a steady group of friends who are my own age, or at PW period. My real true friends are the ones who aren't attending high school, they're either out in the world on their own, or in college. The majority of these friends (if they were still in high school,) would be considered "nerds" or "geeks" just because their biggest focus is on schoolwork and reaching their goals in life. That's me, and how I am, but I can't come out of this shell at PW because the majority of students, no I dare not exaggerate this, hate me for something they "heard". I hate PW so much. All the bullshit, all the gossip--it's ridiculous; and the whole reason for my not keeping up in school. It also has the biggest effect on my mental stability, or lack of. I don't know if I'm going to last another year at this school, let alone the rest of this year. I'm running out of options to keep me going strong and safe...Everytime someone is a bully to me, or rude, ignorant, whatever...I take it extremely personal because I've dealt with this since I was little..I've been the one who always gets picked on in school ever since I started attending school...I don't know how much more of this childish bullshit I can put up with anymore...They're pushing my limits and I'm so aware of how mentally unstable I am, that I can guarantee that something bad will happen very soon.

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 01:07:19 GMT

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

I'm A....

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 01:59:56 GMT

You're a sexy girl! You are beautiful, and you
love attention from guys, and are very
flirtatious. You might come off as a slut and
bitch to some but I think you have another side
to you that is pleading for attention, love, and
care. You might be confident on the outside but
don't be afraid to unleash a more sensitive
side. Be better than just the average sex
symbol.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm an Angel?

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 01:34:15 GMT

Youth

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

My Disorder

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 23:29:05 GMT

The world is cruel, fate is bitter and there's no
place for you anymore. Your thoughts can often
lead to, 'Why live when I feel like dying ?
Yours is an illness of sorrow.

What's Your Disorder ?
brought to you by Quizilla

FORGIVENESS

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 01:22:16 GMT

Forgiveness

Darkness falls whenever we're together
But it feels as though we're getting closer
I don't understand what does it mean
I don't know what to do anymore
It's like you don't care what he might do
That you will do whatever because of me
I'm flattered, but I can't deal with this
This is too much for me to handle
I like you, but I feel like I love him
Does that mean I have to choose between you
Just because you and I might have a chance together
I have to follow my head and not my heart
You may get jealous because you like me
But you'll get over me, I promise
It might seem difficult, but that's life you know
So face the facts, and move on with your life
I don't mean to run from this problem
But in my opinion, this isn't running
It's simply keeping a relationship easy
And turning my confusion to clear results
I can't begin to tell you how hard this is
To explain my deepest thoughts and feelings
To be able to express them truly and from the heart
I am so sorry if this is bad news to you, forgive me

WHAT IF?

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 21:53:39 GMT

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
:x:I died from suicide:
:x:I said I liked you:
:x:I kissed you:
:x:I lived next door to you:
:x:I started smoking:
:x:I stole something:
:x:I was hospitalized:
:x:I ran away from home:
:x:I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
:x:Personality:
:x:Eyes:
:x:Face:
:x:Hair:
:x:Clothes:
:x:Mannerisms:
:x:Family:

WOULD YOU:
:x:Be my friend?:
:x:Have sex with me?
:x:Lie to make me feel better?:
:x:Spread rumors about me?:
:x:Keep a secret if I told you one?:
:x:Loan me some cash?:
:x:Hold my hand?:
:x:Take a bullet for me?:
:x:Keep in touch?:
:x:Try and solve my problems?:
:x:Love me?:
:x:Date me?:

Gone Forever

Sat, 18 Dec 2004 03:36:39 GMT

I'M FUCKING DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT I GET FED EVERYDAY! DAD, LIVE A DAY OR EVEN AN HOUR IN MY SHOES AND SWALLOW ALL THE SHIT I DO BEFORE YOU ACCUSE MY MENTALITY TO BE PMS! YOU FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!! WANNA SEE A FUN CONVERSATION THAT NEVER ENDS????:

Dad: Alyssa, 20 minutes before I come back in there and unplug the computer so you can NEVER use it again!
Alyssa: Dad, 2 seconds before I bash my head through a fucking wall!!!!
Dad: Don't you dare threaten me!
Alyssa: I'M NOT THREATENING ANYTHING OTHER THAN MY OWN LIFE!!!
Dad: We had a contract....you're going to horsham clinic!!!!
Alyssa: I didn't fucking do anything!!!!

YEA THAT WAS GREAT HE DOESN'T SEEM TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M DOING ONLINE RIGHT NOW IS ACTUALLY VITALLY IMPORTANT, AND NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!! Wanna see what website I'm on?: http://healthyplace.com/
Yea, I'm a member of HealthyPlace.com so I can get the support and help phone lines that I need when I need them...like right this second as my dad continues to drive my head into the wall! I have two new phone numbers in my phonebook as of just now....A suicide helpline, and a self-injury helpline...If he actually knew how I felt and what he's doing to me mentally and psychologically right now, I bet he'd feel so stupid and sorry...Or does he even give a shit?! He's going on and on about how I spend too much time online doing worthless things for my own pleasure when I could be doing schoolwork or something....Yet, no offense Lex, he doesn't yell at you for being online too much when you're home. Because, I hate to say it, but because you're so used to being online 24-7 at college, you bring that habit home with you, and when the phone bill comes for someone being online for 5 hours at a time, I get yelled and screamed at by Dad! I'm not blaming you Lex, I just despise the way he does this to me! He blames me for nearly everything that goes wrong in this house when you're at college, and even when you're home. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit I gotta tell you...So, I say once and for all: The next chance I get, I'm gone without a trace! If you have a problem with that Dad, BITE ME!

new poem...very depressing

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 02:03:43 GMT

Forever No More

The sun shines no more
Teardrops begin to fall
His kietzcha smiles no longer
The voice of reason has failed
The winds blow lightly
The beat of the drum grows faint
The rivers stop flowing
The grass stops growing
The day grows dark
The air gets colder
And who is to blame
No, not who, but what
The steel was sharpened
The knots were tightened
Burdens have been carried
Journeys have been travelled
They straighten their ties
The flowers are laid down
Beware of the evil
That haunted me inside

R.I.P.
Alyssa

Bored...

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 03:04:52 GMT

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (81%) high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Friendliness (78%) high which suggests you are overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense too often of your own individual development (martyr complex).
Orderliness (3%) very low which suggests you are overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability (39%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Openmindedness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 22:52:58 GMT

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
01. Aly
02. Lyss
03. Alyssa

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
01. RoCkInBaBy17
02. ChrryBomb18
03. Sugarnspicebaby17

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. I put others before me
02. Sick minded
03. Flirty-ness

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
01. appearance
02. personality
03. ignorance

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
01. italian
02. scottish
03. german

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01. life
02. dreams
03. philosophy

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
01. immature assholes
02. people's ignorance
03. disrespectful people

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: (ME? NOTHING SCARES ME...I'M AFRAID OF NOTHING AND NOBODY)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
01. cigarettes
02. coffee
03. clothes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
01. bootylicious pants
02. Plymouth Whitemarsh Indoor Guard sweatshirt
03. Superman T-shirt

THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
01. mom's laptop
02. complete job applications that i forget to turn in
03. blank CD-ROMS

THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
01. bite me
02. fuck you
03. shut up

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
01. lords of acid
02. led zepplin
03. queen

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
01. Guns N Roses "Sweet Child O Mine"
02. Slipknot "Vermilion PT. 2"
03. Blink 182 "Missing You"

THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:
01. dain
02. myself
03. lucifer

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:
01. sense of humor
02. personality
03. care for each other

THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
01. trust
02. good times, bad times shared
03. love

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
01. personality
02. eyes
03. self-confidence

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:
01. the harlem shake
02. get an A+ in any subject for school
03. eat while walking

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
01. playing music/listening to music
02. doing art
03. hang out with gr8 friends

THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:
01. cigarettes
02. my love
03. large quantities of alcohol

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
01. social worker
02. lawyer
03. interior decorator

THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:
01. france (paris)
02. scotland
03. california (LA)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
01. get masters degree in social work
02. get married
03. have kids